Wednesday, August 31, 2016

Gotta get the poison out

It's interesting to think that inspiration can come from the strangest of places.

I never suspected that my dad of all people would stumble across the handful of posts I had left up on this blog and text me about enjoying it.

I kind of forgot how much I enjoy it too.

It feels good to just sit down and write things out sometimes.

So I guess updates on where I am in life.
I've been working on my monthly comedy showcase here in Kansas City, and let me tell you, it is overall going very well. The idea is we don't just do a normal show, we do a new show every month with only new material.
That's games, sketches, improv, really whatever dumb thing we can think of.
That's been running for a year and some change, and we've been fairly successful.

Haven't had a lot of luck on the YouTube front, and to be fair I don't know what I expect. The classics are still pulling in views, but creating and maintaining a consistent fan base based off of one video hit is nigh impossible. Still putting things up when I feel like it though.

Work is going about as well as it has been for awhile now. It's not that I don't enjoy what I do, I just often feel like I am getting stagnant. I always want so much more our of life, but here we are.

Finally getting to a point where some of my major debts are being truly tackled. I'm hoping to soon to be able to financially breathe. Just got to make sure I keep hustling.

This is really my usual introspective bullshit, but I'm not feeling overly introspective right now. I'm not struggling with my redundant existential crisis. I'm just letting it be.

I don't know that I'm happy, but I also don't know that true happy, the way we've all invented for television and movies, actually exists. I settle for contentment and general positivity.

That's all I need for right now.

Stay Sexy.

Monday, May 4, 2015

The 'why' of it all

I suppose the randomness of existence doesn't actually owe us any answers. After all, it has given us the only thing it has to offer. We exist. It's tough when that doesn't feel like enough. Sometimes you want more than existence, you want purpose.

The truth is, you can set as many goals as you want, but I'm not buying that as purpose. That's something you're willing to occupy your time with, and good on you for having it. I just always come back to the futile nature of the life we've been given. You live, you do stuff to keep your brain occupied, you die.

In the grand scheme of the entire universe, we are insignificant, and this is obviously not news to anyone. I'm not the first person to struggle with the existential crisis that is the idea of one's own consciousness one day ceasing to exist. Hell, that's why we have religion. Because people can't and don't want to deal with the fact that eventually we just won't be anymore. That's scary as hell.

And why?

No one can answer the "why" we are here. We can hope there are many things beyond our ability to reason. We can hope we will be exposed to the great truth of it all one day in the afterlife.

The honest truth to the why is most likely, just because.

And sometimes it's hard to keep going when your entire purpose is just "shrugsies."

That's it for today.

Wednesday, April 22, 2015

What a weird day.

I just got an email listing the people that made the World Series of Comedy satellite I had applied for, and I didn't make this list. It's hitting me weird. Not because I'm super invested in how I'm perceived on my festival submissions, but more because I made this fest four years ago when I was barely a comic.

Feels strange, but maybe I just need a better video. I know I need a better video because I know some of the people that made it over me, and that's sits even worse with me.

I am certainly focused on creating new material right now. Festivals probably shouldn't be my focus anyway. Again, not complaining, but looking inward and where I've managed to land.

In other news, I took a whopping minute and a half to put some silly video mocking the whole Kylie Jenner challenge thing on my Facebook last night. That now has well over 1,000 shares and 50,000 views. That wasn't expected, but with the internet I guess you just keep putting out content, and do your best to make it something others can enjoy.

When life gives you lemons, tell jokes to the oranges I guess.

Stay sexy.

Tuesday, April 14, 2015

The Isolation Chamber

I used to get worried about posting something online, and nobody seeing it. I used to be so wrapped up in the validation of "friends" or "followers," and I'm not completely sure why.

These days I find solace in being able to use this particular blog as a sounding board for whatever seems to be my personal mental quandary of the day. I know there will be no judgement, because I get few enough clicks, that there's no one even here to judge.

That's not saying I mind the input of others. I personally welcome it. Otherwise I'd just be writing shit down in a journal at home and tucking it away somewhere for it to be tossed into the dumps of oblivion, or wherever all those old Xanga posts went.

Something that's been interesting in my attempts to create and post online, is where any actual viewership or fandom comes from. I always thought you started with a base from your family and friends, and that's not to say that they haven't been supportive in some ways, but if I'm going to get views on a video, or readers to a blog, it is more often than not from people I don't even actually know in real life.

Honestly, that's ok by me. I've been lucky enough to get to know tons of people online that I would have never known otherwise thanks to the things I've posted online, and many of them have been way more supportive than I've ever deserved.

Any way.

What I'm saying is, no one is reading this, and I don't care. I just need to write things out sometimes.

Stay Sexy.

Sunday, April 12, 2015

Hitting Refresh

The wife has inspired me to jump in face first with her and really start working on a variety of blogs, and it brought me back to this little neglected corner of the internet. I thought about going back through all of my old posts and reading about the angst of my early twenties and my early comedy career, but then I decided to save myself the cringe inducing nightmare I'm sure that would have been.

So tabula rasa bitches! We're talking a clean slate!
Just in time to document the existential crisis that the year leading to my 30th birthday is bound to be.

So if anyone is out there reading this, it's about to get weird up in this bitch.